my husband chooses his family over me islam

my husband chooses his family over me islam

The relationship between a man and his family should not get in the way of his relationship with his wife and children. Ask for his perspective on things, so he doesnt feel like youre barraging him with a volley of issues about the people he loves, and allow for the possibility that there might be some situations in which theres misinterpretation. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". Those potential awkward situations are bound to happen. Copyright IslamWeb 2023. Dont expect that you can avoid having any arguments and conflicts with your in-laws if youre living in the same house. We dont get to choose our family members, but we do get to choose our life partners. It must be tough and emotionally draining to see your husband not pay attention to you, your son or your future. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. You can work on a budget accordingly and make a list of the activities you would want to do. It does not store any personal data. Sometimes the decision such as which college your son should study in or when your daughter should come back home become topics of family round table conferences. Even if there's any wrong going on he takes his family side. Men, generally, promise to be there for their wives, to never leave them alone, to be their protector, and what not. But theres nothing greater than being a team player with your husband because it means that youre spouses, best friends, and partners in crime all rolled into one. Trust me, youll feel instantly better when you open up to him. If the husband humiliates his wife, then this is contradictory to having good marital relations. Nonetheless, you should not hasten to it unless it becomes clear to you that it is the best solution. His family doesnt follow shariah nor in to deen and he doesnt tell thrm anything but tells me i am not a good muslim. I didn't do any wrong there was no any mistakes but then and there he tried to clarify that there wont be any issue "Let's live together and live a peaceful life.". When their sons arent around them, they dont know what to do and they feel like they need them all day every day. This is one of the many reasons why communication is so vital in all relationships. They may resent you somewhat for it, but unless they are particularly toxic individuals, they should back down sooner or later. To this day, all their conflicts around Meenus complaint, My husband always supports his mother. No matter how much she resents him for it, Rajesh continues to be the dutiful son. Yes, that includes your spouses attachment to his family. Even more so when and if your husband sides with them rather than you, and expects you to go along with things to keep the peace. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. He lacks of interest, love, romance, and sexual desires. If your husband isnt willing to support you and stand up for you while youre being disrespected by his parents, siblings, or extended family members, then you need to ask yourself whether youre okay facing that kind of abuse forever. Then why did he marry me? The purpose of doing this is that she wants my husband to earn and give the spendings to his family how he was doing before. That could be an illness, the need to bail out from a debt or such similar situations. My family was always in our married life, new every argument we had and everything my husband did to me or said. But not choose her publicly. Sister, I am sorry that you are in such a difficult position. We share subjects that impact your daily life and we primarily discuss and write about all things related to relationships, breakups, mental health, astrology and much more. The same with a husband. Everyone is living under the same roof, 4. Is it that he is not happy with me.? Theres no shame in getting help from a trained relationship counselor (either by yourself or with your partner) who can listen to your concerns and offer helpful advice to navigate your way through the issue. He has to choose to change on his own and act accordingly. You will not get to crib then that your husband chooses his family over you and he will be satisfied by doing his bit for his side of the family. Eventually, you feel less worthy and as if you have to compete with them for his time. This is a reality in many homes in India and wives are expected to entertain relatives because the husband is choosing his family over his wife. This can only be achieved by each spouse knowing and fulfilling the rights of the other in the best manner. Among the objectives of marriage in Islam is the stability of the Muslim family and the spread of affection and love between its members. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. Confronting and forcing him to choose between you and his family should never be an option. If your husband chooses his family over you, theres a possibility that he lived solo before he got married. Battle lines have been drawn, so to speak. Ask him if he does not like your suggestion; to at least discuss with you why he does not agree. Of course, theyre important to him. Instead, hes allowing you to be mistreated, disrespected, and made to feel like crap. My prayer was invalid, but time ran out before I could redo it. You need to constantly work on your team-playing skills as youre not born with them. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. Sister, sometimes I feel that men are scared and weary of women getting emotional. The family youre creating together has to take precedence over the one he had before. It is not that he loves his own family any less but he is unable to do the balancing act because of his mental conditioning. Spend as much time with your own parents or visit cousins as much as he does. Dont taunt him for being a mamas boy. I love my Muslim boyfriend but he already has a wife. Answer. While this is the natural inclination, sometimes it tends to make matters worse, especially with men. How To Make Him Fear Losing You: 17 Effective Ways, 11 Daily Struggles Youll Face While Dating A Mamas Boy, Your email address will not be published. This brings us to the perennial dilemma of what to do when your husband is too attached to his family. Its not uncommon in married life for there to be fights and arguments between a wife and a mom-in-law or husband and father-in-law. Men are mysterious creatures and mostly they keep things for themselves. The Bonobology Team comprises expert writers who have been writing on this specialized subject of relationships for a long time and have a deep understanding of couple relationships and its ramifications. It involves putting across your message in a clearer and confident way. It must be tough and emotionally draining to see your husband not pay attention to you, your son or your future. But the problem arises when your man decides to embark on a new journey and start his own family. But dont let those feelings turn into resentment. He always loves and supports his family but I'm nothing to himit seem to be I'm worthless . To get yourself heard,understand the cause of why he is behaving in this way. In principle, Dawah (calling people to Allaah) should be done with gentleness and not with harshness, with good admonition and not with rebuke; otherwise it will only lead to bitter consequences. He is islamic and so am i but my parents follow the hanafi teachings and i didnt tell him before getting married as I thought its not important now he doesnt talk to my parents n ill tteats me because of that. The famous mamas boy. One day i asked him why is he more important then me? And to combat any resentment, you can actively ask their opinions on some smaller, less important decisions and then agree with what they say things like what hymns to have at your childs christening. If a wife continually runs to her parents for counsel instead of first talking with her husband, it can create a feeling of distrust. There can be situations, sometimes unavoidable circumstances, that make a man choose his family, but he will surely expect your support. Your husband is in control of his life, not you. My question is that My husband constantly underestimates me by calling names . Required fields are marked *. Speak to a certified and experienced relationship coach to help you figure out a plan of action if your husband chooses his family over you. He was never violent, just sometimes aggressive. You have answered a lot of your questions and gave reasonings. Abusive Mother-in-Law Wants to Control Our Life. My husband chooses his family over me. It requires you to have a lot of understanding and compassion. Instead, show compassion and understanding. When your husband or wife knows he or she comes before your parents, it creates a deeper marital bond. I'm very suspicious to live with him cause it might be a danger to my life he might kill me that's why I have taken a decision for a divorce. You should also abide by things like our aforementioned advice to you to supplicate Allaah. Patients is something we have to do in marriage but upto limit talk through it if still havent changed then I would say dont waste time on him before you have children from him and they suffer too like you are get out of this relationship after giving sometime to him he dont change then dont wait long take the step to separate from him He has to choose to do things differently if he wants to have a future with you. And now that hes married, he might have difficulties changing them as he failed to mature enough to do so. I look at my elder brothers wife while she is sleeping. What to do when your husband is too attached to his family and they get a say in all decisions big and small regarding your lives and that of your children? He lacks sexual desire for you..He keeps you in an apartment with his 4 cousinsThat could easily lead to His and your family will always be part of your marriage. Thats not how issues are solved. And, quite frankly, if he cant change his ways and treat you as an equal to his family, there are any great choices. Because change starts within. In those situations, its always difficult to take sides when some major or minor conflicts happen. What can you do to break this deadlock? I found true love after Nikah with another. Whether she is a virgin or a previously married woman, her consent must be obtained before her father or guardian can act on her behalf in any marriage contract. Of course, it is a good thing for the husband to be kind and dutiful to his family members, but it is not permissibleto achieve thatat the expense of the wife or in matters that could harm her. I lived with 4 cousins in one apartment and had to do household works in huge bulks. Sit him down and make it very clear to him that this is absolutely not cool with you. They three are united to an extent that i have no place. Did you go for couple counselling? 17/02/2020. Youll either need to establish dominance in this hierarchy, making it absolutely clear that this awful behavior wont be tolerated, or leave. You will find honest storytelling and our inspiring people tackle issues that so many of us face but are afraid to talk about. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. He has always been prioritizing them in small ways and does not realize how much he is hurting you by giving you a second-citizen treatment. But dont do it with a sense of vengeance or to get back at him. In Indian families, the son is expected to prioritize his parents and siblings even after he is married and has his own family. We all know one and your man might be one, but you failed to see it before getting hitched. Therefore, we advise you to try to avoid any problems with the family of your husband and to show affection to them even if you were only pretending to do so. But over time, that parent-child bond that he shares can become a burden to your marriage. He grew up with them, so things cant change overnight. When she says something nasty about you, he doesn't stick up for you. Sit with your husband and work out a budget as to how much should go to your husbands family and how much should be kept for your own. If your husband spends time with his parents straight after coming home from work, keeps chatting with them for hours and then heads off to sleep without spending time with you, then it's a concern. Then and there he has been flown to abroad (Japan) for 6 years yet he seems to be spending for his family until marriage. The problem seems to be when your mother-in-law and father-in-law suddenly become intruders. You and your partner must put in an equal amount of effort, propose solutions, and have each others backs no matter what. Manage Settings I lived with 4 cousins in one apartment and had to do household works in huge bulks. But the thing is, when the problem occured he was not my side. Create your own boundaries, your husband will start realizing what is possible and what is not possible. A person who comes from a very large, close-knit Asian family may have a very different dynamic from someone who was raised in a small, reserved Scandinavian family instead. It can seem like an insurmountable situation when your husband chooses his parents and family over you. Dont assume that your husband agrees with you on something. Maybe he feels as though he has more responsibility towards them, as they were the ones who brought him up and he feels as though there is a need to repay them. You should never criticize your husband for something hes done. Its just that the bond that he has with his family is strong and you have to show him that he has a family on his own now. Also, check out my video below. Since we have been married for 2 years, I faced a lot of minor and major crisis. Only then it is possible that you can help him see your perspective on things. Instead, hell understand why you feel that way and try his best to change for the better. Whats the point of marriage when it becomes sex-less eventually anyways? So, when the signs your husband puts his family first are staring you in the face, dont lose heart. Tell him that you had the same issue, that you had a hard time focusing on your marriage and choosing him over your parents. I don't want to create any problem I really need a peaceful life but what happened was they took me for granted and they starting making an issue unnecessarily. If he doesnt realize this, or he doesnt want anything to change, then thats a sign that he probably still has a lot of growing up to do. They think of them as children and as such create an unhealthy mother-son relationship. I will admit that your post was a little difficult for me to understand (are you using an online translator? I think that you have solved your own problem. They just secretly hope that hell get out of his mothers shadow and take control of his own life. Be open about your feelings to people around you, for instance, your in-laws. So if he has money to buy one Kanjeevaram saree, he will buy it for his mother. Dont let your anger turn into resentment. He seem to become an animal when he doesn't think he is taken care ofI'm very suspicious to live with him cause it might be a danger to my life he might kill me that's why I have taken a decision for a divorce. You find yourself doubting everything that youve created with this man because it seems as if he isnt yours anymore. He vowed to stand by your side for better or worse, and now hes reneging on that vow. They claim to be their knight in the shining armor. We can only ever process situations through a filter of our own experiences, and what one person considers normal and acceptable might be absolutely appalling to another. For example, if his parents are lending (or giving) you the money to put a down payment on your house, then they may use that as leverage to make decisions about which house you buy. Are my stepsisters feelings and actions justified? I hate being attracted to women, and have sworn to Allah that I will never get married, He is honestly not in my heart at all, as my parents forced me, I am living the life of a prisoner with my husband. jj Furthermore, the interference of the family members of the husband in his marital life is something that is likely and its reason is usually jealousy or misunderstanding and the like. Does your home feel like a Dharamsala where relatives walk in without even calling and expect you to leave everything and make tea and snacks for them the moment they show their face? An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. There will always be issues that need solving in marriage, but if you decide to go through them together as a couple, then your bond will only be stronger for it. Especially when children come along. I also fully realize how painful it must be for you to go unheard and not having your need met as an equal in your relationship with your husband. That is the reason you got married. If you talk honestly and openly with your partner and with understanding, hell acknowledge your feelings and reciprocate. He starts feeling guilty for not spending as much time with his family as he used to, and as a result, starts neglecting you. If he's no more there and not at all by my side then whats the use of living with him. They have been doing this for many years until a little while ago, they burst at him and crossed every line of disrespect. He says I am trying to dictate to him and his family . Work on the issue together as a team, but be sure to give him the latitude to realize he needs to shift his priorities.

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